North East Post Adoption Service - Adoption Narratives - Amy

I mean he has just turned 20 but he's still a bit he doesn't want to find his at all Right He's not at all interested erm but he met them for the first time on James birthday it was about 3 4 weeks ago and they got on brilliantly because Michelle's into art and my brother's studying art and design at university and she wants to be an interior designer Hannah is like me she likes football so she got on with him Terry and Allan had an argument because Terry supports Liverpool and my brother supports Leeds laughs but the all got on really well Allan said its made him think more about his birth parents but he still doesn't think he'll ever find them pause He's not ready to? No I think he doesn't want to hurt mum Right I know she has been hurt with me doing it but I think she says that's probably natural she doesn't feel threatened she just its she just feels a bit sad that she couldn't answer the questions I had pause Right And I've had to go find the answers for myself like medical and where I got certain things from pause So was that in your file then? Yeah it's in my file So did Sheila answer any questions about how where she was sent away to and anything else? Well she was sent to Lockton which is near Pickering near York and its where I used to go walking and I was born at Scarborough hospital and she was only there for 3 months Terry used to go and visit her every weekend but she never said much about it her parents never went when she had me she was on her own her parents wouldn't go to the hospital she had to find her own way back from Scarborough to Scunthorpe the day after she'd had me er my er Terry's mum my grandma she went to the hospital the morning of the day after she'd had me and Sheila said do you want me to bring her to see you and Cynthia turned round and said no if I hold her I'll never let her go which she regrets now because she wishes she had a photo of me I've got no photos till I was 6 weeks old pause but we all get on now we've got years ahead of us to get to know each other pause Right is there anything else that you feel you've missed out I don't think so Or would like to explain No I think what I would like to say is that anybody whose thinking of finding theirs is I've had both sides of the coin I've had Terry whose totally accepted me and Sheila who doesn't want anything to do with me Right And I think you've got to be prepared for both sides How do you feel you could prepare yourself I never got my hopes up I never had any expectations I just assumed they wouldn't want to know me then I wouldn't be disappointed which is a pretty negative way of laughs thinking but then I couldn't get hurt Right But I've always felt loved and needed and if they didn't want to know then I've still got my mum and dad pause I mean I've had both sides of the coin it might be the opposite as most people think that the mum will want to know and the dad won't want to know and mines gone the opposite Right right But I've had both sides of the coin Cause that letter she says she quotes you in that letter is that what you actually said to her or is that just totally out of context No I did say I feel as though my adoptive parents are my real parents yeah I mean they are my real parents And do you think that was too much for her to cope with No Terry says it was after cause they stayed together for 10 months after I'd been born they stayed together and she wouldn't talk about me at all said she was just very cold when the subject came up of me he says that might be her way of dealing with it and she's dealt with it like that for 21 years that now she's just frozen me out of her life which is fair enough pause I was something that happened 21 years ago that was a mistake pause and she's right she has got a new family and its not fair to go and disrupt them well she should have thought about that 10 months ago and not now and I think that's it.

Thanks very much