North East Post Adoption Service - Adoption Narratives - Debbie
and
I still don't know why I've thought about it and I still don't know why but
I found that more upsetting that he had died than I was that she'd died I
don't know whether I still thought he was a link and I'd lost that link I
don't know I really don't know why I found it more upsetting that he'd died
than that she'd died but I did erm so really this uncle didn't want to know
and erm my brother had died my mother had died erm but it did give me a contact
address for my birth mother's sister who was still living about 20 miles away
and we tried to contact her and erm again we couldn't get any answer and wrote
to her at the address and couldn't get any answer and er I'd practically given
up really I'd thought well you know he doesn't want to know short of going
down and banging on his door and saying you will talk to me there wasn't a
lot I could do really and I though well if he doesn't want to speak to me
then you know what's the point so I was on the verge of giving up really and
erm out of the blue Steve got a letter back from erm thee my mothers sister
who'd actually moved so the letter had taken a while to be passed on to her
at her new address so and yes she could remember a sister having a daughter
at first she couldn't well she's in her 70's now and she's a bit confused
erm first she didn't know who we were talking about but then she realised
she did know who we were talking about and she could remember and yes she
was perfectly happy to erm for me to have her telephone number and talk to
her so ooh now it all became real you know till that point it was all play
really but now it became real so now Steve had done his bit and it was up
to me so I wrote to her and blah blah blah and told her about you know I didn't
want to blame anybody or you know try and cause any trouble or anything you
know there were just a few questions I would like answering medical records
and what my mother was like and did she have a photograph of her and just
general things I suppose everybody wants to know really you know nothing out
of the ordinary and she sent a photograph and erm which is very strange cause
it was like looking at a complete stranger she looked nothing like me whatsoever
so erm you know that was quite disappointing really cause you so want somebody
to look like you you know not that it makes any difference but for some reason
it seems to be important anyway she looked nothing like me and I think everybody
agreed that I've shown the photograph to and erm pause erm then I phoned her
up and spoke to her briefly on the phone and said would you mind if a came
down to see you you know no not at all so we agreed a time and a date and
erm could i bring my husband with me cause I can't I'm a complete coward I
couldn't go by myself laughs oh yes that would be alright and she'd have her
partner there erm so yes that would be alright anyway we went down and its
about 100 mile journey to where they live so plenty of time to think about
it on the way down and erm took her some flowers and found it without any
problem and you know she saw us drive up she was looking out of the window
and she's obviously a bit anxious you know she didn't wait for us to ring
the bell or anything and really friendly really welcoming and erm she had
made sandwiches and bought a cake you know and er made an effort you know
and er she looked absolutely nothing like me honestly she was about 5ft with
blue eyes and when I saw photographs of her when she was younger she was blond
you know I mean absolutely honestly it was like looking at a complete stranger
you know there was absolutely no family resemblance again whatsoever erm pause.
