North East Post Adoption Service - Adoption Narratives - Debbie
on
the surface that meeting was very friendly you know and we're all pause its
funny because you can only talk about it for so long we stayed for about 2
hours but you can't like intensely discuss something like that for 2 hours
so we were discussing where we were going on our holidays and you know daft
things just making general conversation and then we kept you know delving
into more important things but this lady was in her 70's she was well into
her 70's and she was obviously confused erm she told me a story about my birth
which I know from the records I've got is totally untrue you know she said
that erm she remembers when I was born because she was living in the same
house at the time which she was that erm (pause) her sister had had the baby
and erm her mother had taken the baby away the same day and they'd never seen
the baby again the baby was born at home so well I know from my records her
mother had died 2 years before I was born and that I was born in a maternity
hospital so she's obviously confused whether she's mixing me up I don't know
anyway I thought I'll not erm say well I know your wrong here you know I didn't
want to confront her on the issue because I didn't want to upset her you know
she was quite elderly and I thought you know she might just clam up completely
if I start saying you know you not telling me the truth or anything like that
so I let her carry on telling different stories she wasn't at all forthcoming
about her sister I kept saying well what was she like and she was saying well
she was just ordinary you know I was saying well yes but what was she like
you know and I'm desperate for information and you know she really bless her
I'm sure she wasn't doing it on purpose but she was quite reticent about talking
about her sister and erm we talked for a while and I asked where she was buried
and where Harry was buried and erm she told me it was in the local church
yard so erm when we left erm we said our goodbyes and said I would keep in
touch and erm she said oh yes we'll come up to Whitley Bay to see you and
I was thinking ooh no you know I don't want to go down that road you know
that wasn't in the plan at all I don't want another family never did erm I
wanted to keep in control if I wanted to go down and see her fine but I don't
want her to become part of my life you know so its made me a little bit erm
uneasy about contacting her again she sent me a Christmas card which she sent
very early and erm you know a nice card and telling me what they were doing
and what happened in their lives in the 6 months since I'd seen her and I
sent her a Christmas card back and said oh I'll be in touch sometime next
year you know I left it as open as that and so far I've chosen not to get
in touch I know there's another uncle who'd like to meet me erm pause but
I haven't quite decided where I'm going with that one yet I'm not sure if
there's a lot more for me to gain from the situation so I'm not closing any
doors but for the time being I'm not delving in any further erm I was (pause)
erm I think the meeting was quite disappointing and I'm sure it happens with
a lot of people erm I think if I'd met my birth mother you know I'd have got
a lot more information but when your asking a 70 year old lady about something
that happened to her sister 40 something years ago it's very difficult for
her to remember and erm I think you know times affected her memory and erm
she didn't really help me a great deal I came away with no more answers than
I'd gone down with erm other than I had a photograph and I knew where she
was buried and erm so we decided we would go to the cemetery church yard and
find the grave and put some flowers on the grave erm.
