North East Post Adoption Service - Adoption Narratives - Bob
It
was kind of strange it was somebody that was part of you but was a stranger
at the same time that's a very very strange experience to meet a stranger
who is your mother erm but you know we got on okay it was fine erm I think
I was looking for certain characteristics that I would say oh I must get that
from her or I must get this I didn't see any actually to my surprise erm pause
and you know she explained you know is anybody in the family musical and that
as much she could tell you know it didn't seem to be was very very strange
coz I was pretty sure maybes that there was erm but the time came to say goodbye
after I'd spent the day with her bought her a cup of coffee at a little café
in the Lake District overlooking some lake erm pause but she did have the
same nails as me isn't that strange Right You know I've got very strong nails
er and the grow very well and I play the guitar a lot so I do have to keep
them in good shape and she had the same colour eyes you know same sort of
greeny browny different colours at different times erm so that was that that
was the big day and then we said goodbye How did you feel after this? Well
I er I didn't feel it took a while for it to be absorbed I think is the best
way to put it I drove back I felt okay erm I drove back it was quite a long
drive pause erm and I didn't really know what to think I didn't know I thought
initially I thought oh yeah I'll go back again soon and see the rest of the
family erm and actually more or less switched off the meeting mother phase
and go back to my normal self I think and sort of went home cause obviously
I had to be very careful that other people in my adoptive family circle don't
know about it pause the reason this is and some people do this maybe some
people don't is that I don't think my adoptive mother would understand why
I had to do why I had to meet my natural mother and it would just hurt her
you know I wish I could tell her but I just know she wouldn't she would be
upset and it seems needless to hurt her you know but of course its not easy
and its not nice having a secret like that you know keeping it fro them and
you've got to be very careful what you say to your friends as well pause so
erm pause so I came back and then what happened was contact got less and less
though I did stay in touch I wrote letters religiously Christmas cards blah
de blah but for one reason or another I never got across a because the car
wasn't working sometimes it was quite a long drive and the opportunity never
seemed to arise and I was still sort of taking it all in and the other reason
was there was a lot of pressure from my natural mother I think I was explaining
to you before she'd just sort of viewed it that I'd been away for 30 odd years
and I was coming back and sort of just took it as a natural thing that I'd
want to dash over at every opportunity and I think she took it eh very hard
at first that I didn't want to do that erm pause so that was a bit of a problem
erm and its still even now difficult to say exactly how I felt about it it
some ways it was as if it was happening to a different person you know because
in a way I suppose it has cause I think adopted people have what they hope
or like sort of normal lives normal average lives but ther is a little part
of them which is a little bit different and a little persona that they step
into so to speak when they're in contact with you know your natural parents
and aunties or whatever so erm that was the side of it but it was
