North East Post Adoption Service - Adoption Narratives - Bob
Yeah
I don't think obviously I don't think you have any expectations of what a
persons going to be like but I think she was different to what I thought and
as much as I think I explained I might of seen more characteristics Right
In my mother but that's not necessarily because they weren't there I think
its just she seemed a very quiet person and didn't have a lot to say unlike
myself who sometimes never bloody shuts up you know so I'm going to have a
little drinky here speaking into the microphone the bottle of bourbon is nearly
gone pause laughs Pardon me so yeah it was very very difficult and you sort
of think about it and take it all in and what you going to do about it and
I couldn't decide what to do I had a few words with Steve on a couple of occasions
pause and pause the situation at the moment is that I did contact her at Christmas
but I haven't since then sent a letter to her and got one back er because
I've been very very upside down these last few months I've moved into this
flat here so I haven't had a lot of time it's a big thing to sort of plan
people say oh you know its terrible you should contact your mother we're often
as if its it's a very big thing you've got to psyche yourself up for it in
a way especially going over it's a huge thing you know and erm pause so that's
the current situation erm so I'm still in contact with her not as much as
possibly I should be but I think everybody has to sort of have there own way
erm you know it's a difficult thing at best I think erm I'm certainly glad
I met her pause er but in a way it didn't answer the questions I thought it
would pause not that I expected but I had hoped Right That it might answer
some questions erm cause the big storming block is my father where the hell
he is laughs erm I don't know Right He's obviously got 50 per cent of the
equation in effect erm pause so you know perhaps he has characteristics that
I have or maybes he doesn't again I don't know this is a big problem eh there's
like a loose end here you know unfortunately with my father initially I wasn't
too bothered about finding my father my mother seemed to be the most important
one and certainly she in as much as I wanted to find her first pause erm pause
I think it was difficult for her as well pause I think she was initially elated
erm but I think she found it difficult to understand how I wasn't over every
weekend or on the phone every day and writing every and I don't really know
why actually pause erm I think its maybe in a way cause I did enough to answer
as many questions and find her which I had to do and so I don't feel the urgency
to sort of get back in touch or it could well be a bit of laziness to be honest
as well could be you know you have to be honest maybe erm I have been a little
bit sort of lazy not getting in touch as much as I should but erm So have
you got half siblings or Yeah erm who I've never met I have a half brother
Righ Erm pause and he's got kids so I've never actually met him seen photographs
of him Right Totally different to me again erm but yeah so erm it pause for
reasons I'm not really sure I haven't maybes been as compelled as I should
have been to follow it up as enthusiastically probably if eh an understatement
of the situation but erm you know I've done as much as I feel I can.
